Sunday, May 5, 2013


Even before we started fertility back in 2010 I had been nervous about miscarriage and found it astounding that so many women had lived through it and were fairly nonchalant (or so I thought) when relating their stories.  It seemed like the absolute worst experience imaginable, and I couldn't even comprehend how you would move on from such a tragedy. 

Cut to September of 2012 and it happened.  I remember just sitting and crying after coming home from the doctors office, not being able to even tell Thomas that the baby was gone.  I despaired of ever having more children, and of ever affording to adopt.  But God is such a healer, and over time it's become just part of my story.  I would have been due in April, and though I'm sad that I won't get to meet that person until Heaven, this current pregnancy has done so much to heal that hurt.  I know if we were doing fertility and all that again I would still be angry and frustrated.  I don't deserve this particular blessing, but I'm so thankful for God and His goodness in all areas of my life.

In happier and sillier news, Benjamin is definitely growing.  He's moved into some size 7W shoes I got from Goodwill ages ago that are boat shoes.  He's the cutest and preppiest two-year-old.  I'm really excited about being back in the States soon so I can go thrifting and maybe find him or baby brother some more fun clothes.  It's the cheapest way to indulge my shopping habit. 

I'll also be super pumped to buy nail polish, it won't ship here because of flammability and I'm ready for some new colors.  I could probably find a store with lots of variety here, but I wouldn't know where to start.  Target, watch out. 

As for the decision to stay in the States and have the baby there, I'm mostly decided on coming back to Jordan.  I can't imagine being so far apart from Thomas for that long.  Unless something drastic happens in the next weeks, I'm hoping we'll be here.  Pray for continued wisdom and safety, and a swift end to the violence in Syria.

As it's almost summer, lots of people are gearing up to move on to another posting, so we're saying goodbye to some friends.  It's weird to think we've almost been here a year, and so many friends are leaving.  But it's been amazing to meet these cool people and hopefully maintain those friendships over long distance.  Thanks, Facebook!  Hopefully we can be welcoming to the next crop of people and make new friends, at least before the baby comes and I'm back in survival mode for three to six months.  Trying not to think about how awful life will be with no sleep and two kids...

That's it for now,

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